ARDMORE, PA—Black Friday is coming! Lower Merion residents are eager
to spend time at Suburban Square, specifically in the recently opened
multi-level parking lot, built over the original single-level parking lot. Here
are some fun and exciting activities you can now enjoy in the new massive Suburban
Square parking lot.
1) Park
Yes, one of the most exhilarating duties to perform in the
new parking lot is to park your car! If you don’t have a car, you can leave
your shoe in a spot so that other people know it’s yours.
2) Practice the tuba
The Suburban Square parking lot has excellent acoustics,
perfect for practicing the tuba. Not only do you get to build your skills, but
also passersby will appreciate the free music you provide.
3) Huff paint
The parking lot will have plenty of secluded spaces, perfect
for inhaling fumes from spray paint, glue, or gasoline to get high. Whether
you’re putting AXE body spray or Reddi Wip propellant into your bloodstream,
the Suburban Square parking lot is prime real estate for low-budget
high-getting.
4) Eat pizza
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| Seen while the parking lot was under construction |
5) Worship Mammon
There’s no place like the Suburban Square parking lot to kneel
before the ancient pagan god of greed and avarice. To help devote yourself to
meditative prayers toward the lifestyle of wanton, gaudy materialism, the Apple
Store is in sight from the western face of the parking lot.
