5 fun things to do in the new Suburban Square parking lot

ARDMORE, PA—Black Friday is coming! Lower Merion residents are eager to spend time at Suburban Square, specifically in the recently opened multi-level parking lot, built over the original single-level parking lot. Here are some fun and exciting activities you can now enjoy in the new massive Suburban Square parking lot.

1) Park

Yes, one of the most exhilarating duties to perform in the new parking lot is to park your car! If you don’t have a car, you can leave your shoe in a spot so that other people know it’s yours.

2) Practice the tuba

The Suburban Square parking lot has excellent acoustics, perfect for practicing the tuba. Not only do you get to build your skills, but also passersby will appreciate the free music you provide.

3) Huff paint

The parking lot will have plenty of secluded spaces, perfect for inhaling fumes from spray paint, glue, or gasoline to get high. Whether you’re putting AXE body spray or Reddi Wip propellant into your bloodstream, the Suburban Square parking lot is prime real estate for low-budget high-getting.

4) Eat pizza

Seen while the parking lot was under construction

Look at these happy motherfuckers eating pizza! Fulfill the promise of the premises by eating pizza.

5) Worship Mammon

There’s no place like the Suburban Square parking lot to kneel before the ancient pagan god of greed and avarice. To help devote yourself to meditative prayers toward the lifestyle of wanton, gaudy materialism, the Apple Store is in sight from the western face of the parking lot.